Saturday Night Live is many things to many people. Political humor, celebrity impressions, and recurring characters are always crowd-pleasers, but they can’t be the whole show. Personally, I’ve always been a fan of SNL’s high-concept throwaway sketches. They may not have the mass appeal of a Wayne’s World, but that seems to give the writers more freedom. When SNL writers feel no one is watching, they often turn in work featuring bizarre concepts and dark humor. These bizarre sketches air without incident and are forgotten — but no more. I’ve done you the favor of spelunking into the SNL archives to bring you these six sketches (along with immortal dialogue from each), which are as blackly humorous as you’re likely to find sandwiched between Weekend Update and a performance by the Spin Doctors.
Alan, (7/28/2015)
“The Alan is the latest in casual entertainment!” That’s the tagline attached to the mysterious dancing mannequin played by Bill Hader. As his owners thumb through the instruction manual and uncover some unsettling facts about The Alan’s composition, he it begins to journey deeper and deeper into the uncanny valley.
Immortal Dialogue: “Oh, honey. There’s a dead man inside all of us.”
Mr. Belvedere Fan Club, (5/9/1992)
http://www.hulu.com/watch/277808
In this very morbid parody of obsessive fandom, Tom Hanks presides over a meeting of rabid Mr. Belvedere fans. Despite Hanks’ chipper demeanor, it rapidly becomes clear that the club as a whole is teetering on the edge of sanity, and that jolly old Mr. Belvedere has somehow become the center of some very dark fantasies.
Immortal Dialogue: “I should want to cook him a simple meal. I should not want to . . . cut the flesh, to wear the flesh, and be born again unto new worlds where his flesh becomes my key.”
The Guardian Angel, (4/08/2000)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGWoRJO5d0M
In a calculated send-up of his role in the Prophecy franchise, Christopher Walken plays Ana Gasteyer’s goth guardian angel. He tells her to take his hand and be healed, but she’s not having it. She believes his all-black ensemble marks him as either Lucifer or the angel of death, which spurs a tense conversation about profiling. You can’t just go calling people “Lucifer,” it’s very hurtful.
Immortal Dialogue: “Diane, you gimme your freakin’ hand right now, or I’ll shove it up your wazoo . . . I’m sorry. I’m feeling a little defensive here.”
Devil Can’t Write No Love Songs, (11/13/1999)
Will Ferrell plays The Devil here, poking fun at the popular folkloric idea that Satan takes particular interests in trading souls for musical success. He promises a demonic symphony to struggling singer-songwriter Milo Jenkins (Garth Brooks), then chokes under the pressure. He begins playing a succession of bizarre songs, each less commercially viable than the last. (Watch here).
Immortal Dialogue: “I told you, my guitar was out of tune, it wasn’t my fault! Fred’s Slacks is a winner!”
The Midnight Coterie of Sinister Intruders, (10/26/2013)
Frequent Wes Anderson collaborator Edward Norton plays frequent Wes Anderson collaborator Owen Wilson in this inspired spoof of slasher films. It’s a trailer for a film that unfortunately doesn’t exist, wherein a company of masked killers (and Danny Glover!) stalk and kill a charmingly idiosyncratic family. But in like, a fun, kitschy way, you know? (Watch here).
Immortal Dialogue: “Hey, hon? I think we’re about to get murdered.”
Vincent Price’s 1954 Christmas Special, (12/19/2009)
Bill Hader’s Vincent Price just wants to make it through his superficially spooky Christmas special, but real life horror intrudes. His celebrity guests are clearly in no condition to perform on live television, and he is forced to contend with everything from the confused rage of James Dean (James Franco) to a savage battle between a rabid raccoon and Kate Hepburn (Kristen Wiig). It’s all very Hollywood Babylon. (Watch here).
Immortal Dialogue: “Asbestos! It’s asbestos can be!”
