What do you get when you cross an ex-Christian musician with queerness, Brujeria, a badass beat, and ... is that Peaches? The answers are: Cain Culto, and yes. I am fucking obsessed. I've been into his music (and killer videos) for a while now, but he is hitting it hard, and I am tired of only having a couple of friends to talk to about him with. Calling his unique sound "Kentucky Latin Art-Pop" and refusing to continue to perform the "inauthentic version of himself," Cain is taking over my life, and I'm here to help him take over yours.

Try telling your favorite leftist or liberal that you still eat at Chick-fil-A. Hell, in 2026, you're better off shopping at Walmart than Target if you want to appear socially conscious. When the left boycotts, we fucking BOYCOTT. No list of demands, no celebration when the policies change. You fuck around, you find out - forever. What does any of this have to do with Coachella, you ask? The same Coachella featuring a protest set by DEVO?

The world is vast, and there are so many other, cooler things to spend your time watching or reading. Expand your mind. Drop the wand. Grow the eff up.