This time of year brings bountiful lists of movies to watch: Top Ten Freakiest Horror Movies, Top Five Halloween Movies, The Best Halloween Movies EVAR!!1! It’s as if everyone has morphed into Rob Gordon from High Fidelity, but with the specific idea that the only films that can be watched now are chainsaw- or witch-centric. Au contraire, ma soeur. This is a roundup of movies that can be watched in these fall months that aren’t necessarily Halloween-themed nor scary. Most of them are funny, take place in these leaf-changing months, or just atmospherically feel like autumn has arrived. True, there’s some vampires, zombies, murder, and blood involved, but since when are those things strictly for Halloween?
Once Bitten
Alright, I’ll be honest, Once Bitten is not a cinematic masterpiece. What it is, though, is an underrated, semi-forgotten 1980s comedy about a high school senior who just wants to get laid, but with a vampiric twist. Jim Carrey’s doofy virginal Mark encounters the uber-sexy Lauren Hutton’s Countess at a bar, and pretty soon he’s up all night, accidentally drinking blood, and can’t see his reflection: you know, normal teenage guy things. She’s fixated on him because he’s, apparently, the only virgin in 1980s Los Angeles. There’s a dance-off at a high school Halloween bash, a sassy butler, a lot of Jim Carrey looking confused and begging his high school girlfriend to just give it up already, and sexy vampires galore.
Clue
One of the funniest films about murder, Clue is a classic whodunnit based on the eponymous board game where you try to figure out who killed Mr. Boddy. The film takes it to another level with added murders and three possible endings. Throw in truly magnificent performances by Madeline Kahn, Tim Curry, Lesley Ann Warren, Michael McKean, well really the entire cast is flawless, the one-liners are superb, and the physical comedy is perfection. It’s one of my all-time favorite movies and as a pop culture nerd, this should say something. Would anyone care for fruit or dessert?
Dead Poets Society
Does this really need explanation? If you’ve never seen it, just watch it, and prepare to sob at the heartbreaking beauty and tragedy of these teenage boys trying to figure out their lives with the ultimate mentor: dramedy expert Robin Williams. O Captain, my Captain. Maybe it’s because I have two degrees in English and love poetry, maybe it’s because of the death of Robin Williams, but whatever shut up I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING.
Rushmore
And now, a completely different bildungsroman about a boy at a private school who doesn’t need a teacher to motivate him. Here’s where I must admit something completely un-Dirge: I am a Wes Anderson nerd. He’s one of my favorite directors. I’ve accepted this, and I’m here to encourage you to at least try a Wes Anderson film, preferably this one. Bill Murray is in one of his best roles as Herman Blume (seriously), and Jason Schwartzman makes his acting debut as Max Fischer, the incredibly nerdy, driven, and nearly unstoppable teenage boy of my dreams. It’s set in a few short months, a fall semester of high school, and there’s cut brake lines, aquariums, handjobs, and bees to spare. What more could you need?
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Continuing in the Wes Anderson vein, Fantastic Mr. Fox is Anderson’s adaptation of the eponymous children’s novel by Roald Dahl. But unlike his other films, this one is animated, with friggin George Clooney as Mr. Fox himself, and Meryl Streep as Mrs. Fox. Even Willem Dafoe is in this! The animation is incredibly beautiful, the storyline is hilarious and weirdly relatable even if you’re not an animal who has to steal to survive (I see you, Aladdin), and there’s a whole friends and family and Thanksgiving feel to the entirety of the movie, without spoiling the plot. Get yourself some hard cider and snuggle up and be purely entertained by the antics of the thieving Mr. Fox and his friends as they fuck up capitalism in a family-friendly way.
Ed Wood
You don’t need to know the films behind the story of Tim Burton’s pseudo biopic of Edward D. Wood Jr., notorious B-movie director and actor, mostly known for his classic Plan 9 from Outer Space, to appreciate the glory that is Ed Wood. Johnny Depp (of course) stars as the titular Ed Wood, but his performance as the gleeful, overenthusiastic Wood is endearing and completely believable. Throw in Sarah Jessica Parker looking the hottest she does outside of Hocus Pocus, Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi, Patricia Arquette, a pinch of Bill Murray, a completely black and white film, and a healthy amount of angora sweaters and 1950s Hollywood gossip, and you’ve got a delightful evening ahead of you.
Home for the Holidays
What’s this? A non-Hallmark Channel Thanksgiving movie? You betcha, Iris. This forgotten 1990s gem stars Holly Hunter, Anne Bancroft, Dylan McDermott, baby Claire Danes, Geraldine Chaplin aka fucking Charlie Chaplin’s DAUGHTER, and Robert Downey, Jr. at the height of his coked-up, pre-rehab glory. Seriously. Basically, Holly Hunter’s character, Claudia’s, life has fallen apart just in time for her to return home to her insane family for Thanksgiving. We all know this feel. Watching it happen on-screen, though, is hilarious, cathartic, and sad, but it’s a universal reminder that going home for the holidays, while stressful and usually full of shit, can be replenishing. At least until you have to do it a month later for Christmas.
Shaun of the Dead
Perhaps this is more of an obvious choice, but as it’s not strictly a Halloween movie, merely a send-up of the zombie movie genre, I think it counts. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are Shaun and Ed, trying to survive alongside Shaun’s mother, ex-girlfriend, and other friends after a zombie apocalypse breaks out. This is less a horror film and more of a “hey guess what we are all slowly turning into zombies because of our daily horrible capitalist screen-filled existences” movie filled with a lot of British humor and, well, zombie killing. It can be fairly gory, but any movie that features zombie smashing to “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen, well, that’s a movie I can get behind. Also: you’ve got red on you.
Labyrinth
As the resident Labyrinth fangirl of Dirge, you really didn’t think I would forget to include this, did you? I’ve been watching this movie since before I had cognitive thought, and there’s no way for me to coherently explain how much I love it or what it means to me or why it should be in heavy rotation year-round in your personal movie collection, so let me just ramble some nonsense at you: David Bowie. Tight pants. Codpiece. Jim Henson. Puppets. David Bowie singing how he’ll be there for you as the world falls down. 1980s masquerade goblin ball high fashion. Jennifer Connolly. Puzzles. David Bowie. Adventure. David. Fucking. Bowie.
Young Frankenstein
Mel Brooks’s classic isn’t a Halloween film per se, but it is a fantastic fall film. Taking the old Frankenstein novel as its background, Gene Wilder is young Dr. Frederick Frankenstein who returns to his father’s laboratory and winds up attempting to recreate his experiment of reanimating a dead body, to hilarious results. With Cloris Leachman, Marty Feldman, Teri Garr, Madeline Kahn, and Peter Boyle, this is possibly the funniest movie I have ever seen, and is easily my favorite Mel Brooks movie. Flipping the horror genre on its head and exposing its absurdities is fun year-round, but seems particularly appropriate during the fall season. And why be normal when you can be Abbie Normal?
The Prestige
Okay, I admit, I have not seen this film, but one of my fellow Dirge writers brought it up, and the consensus from everyone was that I need to watch it because it’s great. There’s Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman as rival magicians, Scarlett Johansson, Michael Caine. And then it was mentioned that, apparently, David Bowie is in it as Nikola Tesla, so I need to go find where my pants flew off to and then go watch this movie. Probably without my pants on.
[ed. note – I thought The Prestige was about football, but it isn’t.]
